Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wario Land II: The Final Post

Hooray, I have the internet again! I can now update my freaking blog.

Anyway, so I finally beat Wario Land II 100%. I wasn't sure if I was going to do it, since at first I didn't really like the game. My biggest complaint remains: on your first playthrough, you are limited to whatever "story" path you chose. If you could pick the level (like every other Wario Land besides the Virtual Boy one), this game might be better than the original Wario Land (but still not quite as good as 3).

There were some very, very annoying bosses in this game, however. For me, the only tough one in Wario Land 3 was the soccer bunny. Wario Land 1 had some stupid boss fights as well, though. In general, it seems like I don't really like most of the boss fights in the Wario series - its too easy to fuck up and have to restart the battle. Perhaps that could be avoided if any hits you land on a boss are kept even if you leave the room, but that kinda goes against the nature of Wario Land II (if you get hit, you don't die). Perhaps the game would be too easy, then.

Well, it'd be a lot less annoying.

The minigames still suck, and I don't like how the amount of coins you have when you beat the game doesn't affect the ending at all. In fact, the only thing coins are used for is for paying for the minigames, like in Wario Land 3. Somewhat disappointing, I guess. I played some Wario Land 1 last night, and I think it's version of getting treasure (or Wario Land 3) is still the best - you play a level, find a key, and bring the key to the chest. You don't have to play any stupid minigames to get the treasure.

Overall, I think my list from this post remains intact: Wario Land II isn't quite as good as 1 or 3, but it's damn close - meaning it's a great game. Playing through all these Wario Land games makes me somewhat sad, though. The DS Wario was terrible, and I doubt they'll attempt to make a traditional Wario Land game again. I mean, I like Warioware (somewhat), but there really isn't much out there like the first three Wario Land games. C'mon, Nintendo, make another one. Please?

(Click here for my first Wario Land 2 post) (Post 2) (Post 3) (Post 4)

Friday, May 23, 2008

Wario Land 2: "Endgame" Part I

So I picked up Wario Land II again, and the "endgame" continues to be amazing. Now that I can pick and choose levels, I can avoid levels I hate and only play fun ones. I've also noticed, since playing these new levels, that I seem to have chosen the path with the most annoying levels possible. Granted, if I want to get all the treasures (which, at this point, I would like to), I'll have to replay many of them. Oh well. The only levels that I really dislike are the ones in which there are invisible blocks and I have to either hit a light switch to see them (which usually makes other blocks invisible) or the ones with extremely annoying boss fights.

The path I am playing through now involves Wario needing to retake his castle after it had been invaded since the alarm clock (thrown in his castle by Captain Syrup at the beginning of the game) didn't wake him up. I think this is an awesome path, probably because it completely ignores the "story" of the rest of the game and imparts its own little "tale." I have but two more levels of it to go, and I am really enjoying it thus far.

I've seen a couple of the other "story branches," and they are somewhat interesting, but since I hadn't played the level previous to it in the "story" I don't remember how dramatic of a change is involved. The levels I've played so far are pretty good, though.

(I keep putting words like "story" and "tale" and "story branches" in quotes because the "story" to Wario Land II is pretty damn ridiculous and I feel stupid calling it a "story.")

Oh! And I've discovered how to deal with the annoying slug fuckers. Rather than continue to fight them, you wait until they are done freaking the fuck out, and then you can just walk up to them and charge into them, with no problem. What I kept doing was trying to keep attacking them, and if you keep doing it without pause, they keep freaking the fuck out, which means you can't kill them and you lose a fuckton of coins.

So it appears as though I will be attempting to beat Wario Land II as I play through Shadowrun. When Kirby's Dreamland 2 comes in the mail (probably any day now), that will probably be added to my "now playing" queue. Shadowrun is my top priority right now, though, so I will be finishing that eventually, but if I need a break I'll probably play something else. And when Kirby does come, I'll probably be fascinated with that for a day. Good ol' A.D.D.

(Click here for my first Wario Land 2 post) (Post 2) (Post 3)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Shadowrun: There's Always Something to Do in Seattle

Shadowrun is not perfect, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite games ever. Here is a laundry list of only some of the things I've done so far in this game:
  • Woken up in a drawer in a morgue
  • Have both talked to and killed Orcs (with a gun!)
  • Slept in an apartment, a motel, and outside between a kitchen sink and a broken car
  • Stood in one place and got shot repeatedly with a machine gun, and won the fight
  • Connected my head to a computer and wandered around inside
  • Stolen money by hacking into said computer
  • Killed a shapeshifting octopus
  • Carry a strobe light around, and flash it at people
  • Drove a stake through a vampires heart, three times
And probably the cruelest thing I've done in a videogame, maybe ever:
  • Shot and killed a lonely, innocent woman dancing by herself in a club for no reason other than my entertainment
I really am enjoying this game. There are some parts where I have no idea what to do or who to talk to (or how to kill these annoying piles of slime on the fucking boat!), but man, it's great when I figure it out and move on. Hell, just wandering around the levels and killing whoever shoots at me (and boy, there are a lot of people that want to kill me) is fun.

I have no idea how far I am through the game (Mario RPG was easy to separate into sections because of the stars), so I guess I'll just continue to post until I beat it. Which I hope is a while away, because the game is a blast so far.

I can't believe I just killed a vampire in the same game that I can hack into a computer and steal money. This game is so cool.

(Click here for my first Shadowrun post) (Second Post)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Shadowrun: Committing Identity Theft Since 1993

Holy shit Shadowrun is amazing. I've gotten quite a bit farther than my last post - fitting, as its really all I've done all day. I got the tickets, got in to the Cage, and did a whole bunch of other shit and I can now access a whole bunch more. I basically just deactivated the bomb in my head that I just found out about, by going Downtown and talking to Dr. Maplethorpe.

The fighting in the game, from what I've done so far, is fantastic. As you level up your Firearms skill, you become more and more accurate and the fights don't last so ridiculously long as they used to. I am now equipped with a T-250 Shotgun and some sort of level 2 armor. The next place I have to go to is Matrix Systems, apparently down by the docks.

Speaking of the Matrix, I've jacked in. It's very odd; the graphics aren't isometric in the Matrix, they are completely overhead, and simplified immensely. It appears as though the goal of the Matrix in this game is simple puzzles designed to hide data; if you stroll through a maze incorrectly, you take damage, which translates over to the real world. The nice part is that you can "jack out" whenever you want by pressing X. I've only entered the Matrix twice so far, and I've managed to transfer funds from some other guys account to my own! I basically just hacked some Glutman guys bank account and took money from him, because he is a bastard and I want his money. I think I love this game. It's really sweet that back in 1993, some videogame programmers had the idea to allow identity theft in their game.

Anyway, the music isn't as repetitive as I mentioned in my last post. It changes basically whenever you enter a new area. The part about missing items hasn't happened to me since I missed the scalpel in the first room of the game, so long ago, so that doesn't seem to be much of a problem either. I have yet to see magic; apparently I could buy some earlier, near the Caryards, but I didn't because I spent my money on my Shotgun and armor, plus I didn't know what each Talisman did, so I wasn't going to waste my money. I still haven't hired a Shadowrunner; I haven't seen the need, yet, and they are somewhat expensive as well.

But this game is good. I'm surprised I had never really heard of it. I don't know if it just had a limited print run, or if it was advertised crappily, or what, but I wish more people would have played it. Unless the game gets really retarded soon, it is a fantastic RPG hybrid that I think will go down in my books as one of the better SNES games.

(Click here for my first Shadowrun post)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Shadowrun is Pretty Cool

So, I'm very glad I picked up Shadowrun.

It remains interesting, and I know that I'm not very far at all - I only recently acquired a weapon and figured out how to fire it. Since I've gotten it, I've been killing enemies and getting as much "karma" as I can (apparently karma increases my stats - I've spent a few on Strength and Firepower). I don't really know where to go next - I guess I have to get some Tickets to enter the Cage? There are quite a few people to talk to and even more keywords I can use on them.

I suppose I should describe the game to those who have never heard of it. Shadowrun is a 1993 SNES game, controlled from an isometric perspective in which your main character can examine his surroundings by bringing up a cursor, in real time, and clicking on points of interest. This allows you to pick up items, talk to people, and examine things so you can figure out where to go next. The combat works similarly - you point the weapon cursor at the enemy you want to attack and pound away on the A button, which fires your weapon. There is also magic, which probably works similarly, but I don't have any yet, so I've not seen it. Shadowrun is basically an amalgam of Phoenix Wright, Final Fantasy, King's Quest, and perhaps just a touch of Zelda. It isn't extremely well polished - the game basically throws you in and lets you fend for yourself with no idea of what your goals are and any clues you might receive end up being cryptic at best - but that doesn't matter because its presentation is so interesting.

The graphics are a little dated, but they work, and the only real complaint I have about them is it is sometimes difficult to see items you have to pick up because they are so small. I missed the Scalpel (in the first room of the game, no less!) for a long time because of this. The music is a little repetitive, but I think that's only because I only have access to such a small portion of the game so far.

And apparently, you can enter the Matrix in this game. I have no idea if it is anything like the movies of the same name (I doubt it), but boy, when I saw that you can "jack in" to it via some sort of device on your head I was very interested. Perhaps the Matrix movies are somehow based on the Shadowrun universe? Doubtful at best, since I really have no idea how it works in the game and since I was obsessed with the movies when they came out, and I probably would have noticed it somewhere if Wikipedia or something mentioned it. Regardless, I remain intrigued about this game. I don't think it will be my absolute focus over the next couple of weeks (I did just order Kirby's Dreamland 2 online, and I'm very excited to play it soon), but I will see how it goes. You can't beat 5 bucks for a game like this, though, ever.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Rabbids Don't Write in Blogs

So I picked up Rayman: Raving Rabbids for the Wii today. A coworker of mine hated it and sold it to me for ten bucks, with original case, booklet, and disc all in great condition. I figured, why not? I played it (briefly) when it first came out and it seemed alright, so I got it.

As a giant mini game collection is expected, it has plenty of different things to do in it. Some of the minigames are fun as hell (like the music minigame, where you have to keep the beat by shaking the Wiimote/nunchuk at the right time), while others are just plain annoying (the cow throwing game or the keep the bathroom doors shut game). So far, the game's presentation is minimalist, but good - Rayman is stuck in a prison cell and can only get out by performing for the Rabbids various games. There is no dialogue, just grunts and groans (and brilliant screams) from the Rabbids, and the occasional "Hmm..." from Rayman himself.

I am not aware of how many different minigames there are, and it appears as though the game will be short - but what should I expect, this being a minigame collection? I'm glad I picked it up, but its true worth will be when I see if my girlfriends brother likes it. If I can play this multiplayer, it could be fun - could I even get my girlfriend to enjoy it? Probably not, but its worth a shot.

I also did end up picking up Shadowrun, Link to the Past, and Imperium, all for SNES, although I let my girlfriends brother have Zelda (it was the Player's Choice version, I want the regular, non-Players Choice cartridge). Imperium is a standard shoot-em-up, it seems alright but I doubt I'll play it too much (its just super, super rare so I thought for five bucks I might as well pick it up). Shadowrun is going to be excellent, I can tell, but it looks as though it'll take me awhile to learn the intricacies of it before I post about it here. It seems like a fairly ambitious game for a 1993 SNES game, so that's awesome. I'll post about that soon, though...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

So I just beat Wario Land II...

I hate that I haven't been able to update until now, but I just beat Wario Land II - and thank god. It gets much better after you beat it the first time. Once you beat the game, you are allowed to decide which level you play in order to obtain the treasure there, or start playing a branching path in the story, because there are apparently multiple endings - which is sweet.

The thing I didn't like about Wario Land II up until this point is that I was unable to choose my level. In the original Wario Land, if I was stuck on a level, I eventually had to beat it, but I could always go back and play some other level to find a treasure I missed or something. In Wario Land 3, I could go to pretty much any level and try to obtain a different treasure I might have missed, but again I would eventually have to beat whatever I was stuck on. Both Wario Land II and Virtual Boy Wario Land (from what I've played of it) suffer from this problem: I can't choose the level I want to play (although this is partially averted in Virtual Boy Wario Land, because I can just go backwards through a level to the elevator to the previous level). Wario Land II was pretty much the hardest Wario Land to get through for me, at least on the first try. However, now that I can choose the level, I may go through it again to see what it has to offer - I can't promise I'll post anything here or that I'll complete it, but again, I'm glad I got the game.

Besides that, the game played pretty well, and I recommend it to anyone who enjoys classic Wario games. I will say this though - from what I've played, the order of quality Wario games is as follows for me:

1. Wario Land 3 (I've beaten this 100%)
2. Wario Land 1 (I've beaten this 100%)
3. Wario Land 2 (I've beaten this, but not at 100% obviously)
4. Virtual Boy Wario Land (I'm at the end boss of my first playthrough)
5. Wario Land 4 (I haven't quite beaten this yet)
6. A rotten pile of dogshit
7. Wario: Master of Disguise

I realize that number six and seven are easily confused, but number six is definitely the better of the two.

Anyway, my two biggest problems with Wario Land II are, as mentioned before, the inability to choose my level, and as mentioned here, the shitty minigames. If those had been better, this game could've been better than the original.

Oh well. All of those games are good (save for Master of Disguise).

The resale shop I go to just got a copy of Shadowrun for the SNES in, and supposedly the guy is holding it for me. Hopefully he keeps his promise and I'm able to pick it up on Friday when I get my paycheck. I tried a bit of the game on an emulator, and it looks interesting - the GameFAQs reviews for it say its good, and its also somewhat rare, I understand. I've never played it before, so I may post about it here assuming I get it and the cartridge still saves correctly.

God, it was nice to write a post. Hopefully I can write another one Friday night if I get Shadowrun or something else.

(Click here for my first Wario Land II post) (Post 2)

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Game Droughts are a Bitch

God, I hate game droughts.

I'm playing through Puzzle Quest right now, and I'm having a great time playing it, but I don't really have much to say about it at this point. It remains fun, I still think people should play it, but as far as me writing another entertaining post about it? I don't think I could top this one.

Regardless, until I get my next paycheck on the 16th of May, it doesn't look like I'll be playing too many different games. I started a Resident Evil file yesterday, but I doubt I'll continue to play it - I've beaten it before, and it is a very frustrating game, what with it's limited inventory and limited saves. Limited goddamn saves should never be in any game, ever. They are fucking retarded.

Anyway, the posts here will probably be sparse until I get something new to play. Then, like usual, i will probably post ten posts in a single day. I'm still waiting on Mario Kart Wii and any of those games listed in the "Currently Looking For" column. I'd also like to order a new 72 pin connector for my NES so I can play some of those games again, on the original system - prompting, of course, more writing here. I would love to play the original Crystalis - I didn't think the Game Boy Color remake was that great. So, readers, if you do indeed exist, I will see you soon.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Puzzle Quest: I Am the Rat King

If you haven't played Puzzle Quest, get off your ass. It's on like every system ever, so go get it.

Now that I understand how better to use my items, powers, and can more easily recognize patterns in gems, I can stop sucking ass at the game. In fact, I find myself playing battle after battle after battle, over and over again until I pass out and see nothing but colored gems in my dreams and can only think to myself upon awakening, "I need green mana..."

This game is rich. And what I mean by that is all the different ways matching up colored gems can be used to accomplish different things. Battles are the meat and potatoes of the game, but there are parts that I have only recently discovered. I have "captured" two different monsters: one, a Minotaur, who lets me learn his spell, and another, a Giant Rat, whom I have mounted and I now ride around like some sort of mangy, diseased God.

No, really. I ride a fucking rat to work everyday.

The rat allows me to use his spell as well, but I don't have to use up one of my six spell "slots" - apparently, your mount gets its own individual slot for a spell. I assume I can acquire different mounts throughout the game by capturing different things, thereby granting me better powers than "Rabid Bite" (not a joke - it's the rat's actual power).

Oh! I almost forgot to describe the capturing process. Instead of battling the rat until it died, I had to solve a puzzle clearing all the gems on screen (not a full boards worth, there was only like 20 gems). This is a unique little twist on the normal battle mode, and it is nice because (at least on what I've attempted to capture so far) you can try over and over again quickly. The only complaint I could find is that both the battle screen and the capture screen scream for a "Retry" button in the Pause Menu.

Anyway, the game is fucking amazing and you should play it.

(Click here for Puzzle Quest: I Suck at You)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Final Mario RPG Impressions

Well, I beat Mario RPG just a couple minutes ago. This will be the last post about it here, so I'll try to address everything.


First, I'll talk about the rest of the game I haven't already written about. So I reached Nimbus Land (which is another dumb name - it sounds like an insult from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or something) and found out who Mallow's parents were (Surprise! He's a prince! How original - a character who doesn't know his parents at the beginning of the game who turns out to be royalty!). I fought a pretty lame boss (I can't even remember her name - it's the chick who declares herself queen of Nimbus Land) who I didn't like because it's never really explained why she came to power and how she fooled the inhabitants of Nimbus Land into thinking their King and Queen were sick.

Anyway, so after I fought her I had to go into a volcano to presumably lengthen the game. There really was no reason for it - they could've just given me the star after I beat Queen Forgettable. The guy I fought at the end of the volcano was just as forgettable anyway. After I beat him, I rode a cloud back to Bowser's lair and fought my way in.

Nothing really interesting happened until I got to the point where you have to go through six different doors to move on - two of the doors were battle doors, two were "action" doors (basically just jump your way through), and two were quiz doors (where you, duh, answer quiz questions about the game). The quizzes were fairly stupid sometimes, though - like "What was the first enemy you see in X Land?" There were some fairer questions like "What is the name of the boss in the pirate ship?" I could actually remember that one. Regardless, there was always a puzzle at the end of the quiz doors that was just ridiculously hard. One of them had me making balls jump over each other like checkers, until I only had one ball left. The best I could do was two. Oh, and if you fail? Start over!

Oh well. So after I beat that area, I had to fight a Magikoopa, who was pretty easy. After I beat him, he healed me and I was able to buy items from that crocodile guy, who apparently has reformed himself and is now selling items legit. Then, I fought the giant sword, who I thought was fairly tough.

It was at the sword that I realized Princess Peach is awesome. For four star power, she can heal your entire team for over 100 health. So, she and Bowser became my permanent team, which is sad because I really liked Geno's attacks.

So anyway, after the sword I had to fight my way through Smithy's factory. It was fairly boring, I thought, because I killed everything in my way with no problem until the final boss.

Smithy, the final boss, was kind of stupid. He was sort of a bumbling fool, which I was pretty surprised at. Knowing Square, I thought he would be a complete bad ass who knew exactly what he was doing and was extremely confident it would work. Problem is, this is a Mario game, and even in the later RPGs, the story isn't taken seriously.

Which is a double edged sword, because there were some pretty funny parts of Mario RPG. Bowser is usually pretty funny, because no one (save maybe the Toads) is really scared of him. Minor enemies always focus on Mario and Bowser gets upset and recites Haikus (not kidding - it's fucking hilarious).

Anyway, the ending was pretty sub-par. Yes, it was nice to see a short cameo of Luigi, but I didn't really like it. All the characters pretty much go their own ways without any extra context - they don't even say, "And so, Bowser rebuilt his castle," or "Geno went back to Star Road and nailed some hot Star Piece of ass," or anything. It's told with pictures, which I guess will do.

The battle system, to my surprise, remained fantastic throughout the game. I pretty much always had fun and I would only avoid battles when I knew I had to fight a really annoying enemy who only cast spells with really long animations. Otherwise, I would kill everything wherever I was at. I believe I finished the game with everyone at level 22.

Overall, the game was fantastic. I don't know where I'd put it compared to the other Mario RPG games - I still think the funniest was Superstar Saga, and Super Paper Mario and it's pseudo-RPG elements were a lot of fun as well. Hell, the battle systems in all of the games are pretty fun - I think I like Mario RPG's style just a little bit more than Thousand Year Door's and the original Paper Mario's system of only having two characters in play at a time. Either way, I will say this: the forty bucks I paid for Mario RPG was worth it, and I'll probably play through it again someday. Hopefully they release Mario RPG on Virtual Console soon, so more people can experience this fantastic game. Damn, what a long post.

(Click here for Part 1 of my Mario RPG Impressions) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Slightly Off Topic Rant) (First Mario RPG Post)

Monday, May 5, 2008

Mario RPG Impressions Part 5

So I'm still going after the sixth star. I had finally reached Monstro Town after wandering around Belome Temple for a long time trying to figure out which combination would get me to the right exit. Which is basically another type of Forest Maze, dammit. Regardless, I've noticed the battles are getting easier - not only that, I'm leveling up really fast as well. I don't know if I'm just underleveled (I haven't grinded at all yet in this game - which is odd because Squaresoft made it in the mid nineties, when they made you grind ten levels just to take a shit) or if I'm just fucking awesome at the game.

But, that's probably not the case because its getting easier. I just beat Birdo, with absolutely no problem at all (well, I think Geno got killed once, but that was because I entered the battle with low health). Perhaps Birdo was intended to be an easy boss or something, I don't know. I'm kind of thankful that I don't have to level up for hours to beat the game, though. The later Mario RPG games didn't make you do that either and they were better for it. I just think it's strange that Squaresoft made an RPG that didn't involve massive amounts of grinding (they even made you grind in the "made for America" Final Fantasy Mystic Quest which was released around the same time!).

Anyway, the next post or two will probably be my last for Mario RPG. It really depends on how they do the last star. If I get it in the last level then fight the last boss, I'll probably end with Part 6.

(Click here for Part 1 of my Mario RPG Impressions) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Slightly Off Topic Rant) (First Mario RPG Post)

Puzzle Quest: I Suck at You

So it's been three days since I last posted, I see. I have been playing games, but I've also been working and hanging out with my girlfriend who is having a rough couple of weeks. I'll probably write a post or two today, I don't know when I'll put them up though.

Anyway, so I took advantage of Gamestop's buy two get one free sale on used games on Friday and picked up a few. I got Final Fantasy III for DS, Puzzle Quest for DS (I got this version because I remember reading something in Penny Arcade that said the stylus was a better way to control it), and my free game was Resident Evil for the Gamecube. I haven't really gotten into Final Fantasy III yet, but Puzzle Quest is pretty good.

And totally fucking unfair at the same time. When I string together like two combos, the computer will go and get two four-in-a-rows, fourteen green mana, twenty seven blue mana, and seventy fucking three skulls, killing me in essentially a turn. I am stuck (no joke) on a Vampire Bat, and I think that is because I suck at this game. I've played plenty of random battles, so I've leveled up, but I think I need to learn what my powers do better before I am to continue. Puzzle Quest is so outside the normal range of games I play that it is like learning how to play games all over again. I should probably delete this post because I am embarrassed to explain how shitty I am at this game.

Fuck it. To tell you the truth, I really like the game and I want to get better, so I will, god dammit. The problem is, I've got plenty to play and I need to finish Mario RPG before I focus too much on Puzzle Quest. And I've largely ignored Wario Land II for a while, as well. And Mario Kart Wii is always around the corner when I get fifty bucks...

Friday, May 2, 2008

Mario RPG Impressions Part 4

So I now have 5 stars, having just beaten the Sunken Ship/Seaside Town area. I am now heading towards Land's End, presumably to purchase the most fashionable two piece bikini for Mario, which I hope comes in blue denim, of course.

Anyway, the area where I gathered the fifth star was... interesting. I liked the whole whirlpool thing, where I could go underwater and explore down there, while still jumping around and doing battles. What I didn't like was going back to Seaside Town to save and being confronted with a boss battle. Hoo-boy, that was fun! I had just fought Johnny, and he wasn't necessarily a bitch, but he was still a boss, and I used a few healing items during the battle, so when I reached Yaridovich, I had very few healing items left. I barely beat him (thank god, too - god knows how long I would've had to put the game down in anger had I lost) and was able to procure the fifth star for good.

Its at times like these that I really see the old Squaresoft shine through. No save points in between bosses (well, I may have been able to save, but I didn't think to check, so perhaps I'm just fucking stupid, which I admit is possible), fake treasure chest enemies that can kill your party in seconds, and common enemies that can take half your health in one hit if they do the right move. I love you so much, circa 1996 Square. You make me so goddamned happy.

Sarcasm aside, I had mixed feelings about the fifth star. Not as bad as Forest Maze, mind you, but not as good as Moleville, either. On to JCPenney! Er, I mean Marshall Fields! Oops, to Land's End! Whatever it is. The name would be cool if it weren't a fucking clothing brand.

(Click here for Part 1 of my Mario RPG Impressions) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Slightly Off-Topic Rant) (First Mario RPG Post)

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Mario RPG: Slightly Off-Topic Rant

I know Mario RPG is like 12 years old, but this is bullshit because I've seen it in recent games. By "it", I mean fake treasure chests. If i open a treasure chest, but it's actually a monster, that's ok, I guess, if a little stupid. But if the monster is ridiculously powerful and kills my party in just a few turns, that's retarded. And the one in Mario RPG wouldn't even let me run from it, for fucks sakes.

See, I could handle all the other enemies in the area, no problem. I even beat a boss before I encountered this guy. But this is just fucking stupid. He killed Mario, Bowser, and Geno very goddamn quickly. He even summoned little Goombas (four of them, dammit!) that did almost as much damage as he did!

Are the developers suggesting that I save before I open any treasure chest I find? Well, I'd love to, devs (well, actually, I wouldn't, but for the sake of the argument let's just continue)! But I can't, because I have to be at a save point and you won't let me save anywhere. So don't put stupid bullshit traps in your game that basically kill me instantly and erase tons of fucking time!


(Click here for Part 1 of my Mario RPG Impressions) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Intro Article)

Wario Land 2: I Hate the Slug

This guy can suck it:

He is a bastard. He's the only enemy in Wario Land 2 that I hate. I don't remember anything like him in Wario Land 1 or 3, so obviously the designers realized he was bullshit and took him out. The problem I have is this: he is almost impossible to kill reliably! Every other enemy is fairly easy to kill because their weak points are obvious. This guy seems to start his attack animation randomly, and if his mouth is facing you, he is invincible. And if you get hit? You lose like six coins. A bigger problem is that the designers always seem to place three or four of these guys in a row, in a small enclosed area. So, say goodbye to your coins.

Which brings me to a major problem I have with Wario Land 2. As I mentioned before, the minigames in this game aren't fun to begin with; what I failed to mention was that they are fucking expensive. 50 coins just to see one block of 9 for the game where you guess the number! That means you might have to spend 300 coins or more to figure out what the number is! This wouldn't be such a problem if you could PICK THE FUCKING BLOCK YOU WANT TO SEE! I think that would be fair, because it would make the game easier, yes, but it would still cost 50 goddamn coins for each flip. And the other minigame costs at least 100 coins to win, basically, because the "hard" setting, while cheapest, is also damn near impossible.

The main game remains pretty good, but so far I think I like the other Wario Land games better. Wario Land 1 focused on collecting coins and treasure within the level without minigames, and I think it seemed more focused than Wario Land 2. The third game, though, focused better on entering a level and solving a puzzle to get a treasure, and I think it was pulled off better than 2. Plus, whether you liked the golf minigame or not, you didn't have to play it in every fucking level like you do in with the minigames in Wario Land 2. The second game just seems unpolished compared to the other two; I would recommend them over this one. That's not to say this is a bad game, but it seems more like a mishmash of ideas that don't gel together perfectly.

(Click here for my first Wario Land 2 article)

Mario RPG Impressions Part 3

I really enjoyed Booster's Tower and the minigame after it. Actually, I think Booster was the funniest part of the whole game so far, because the guy is fucking stupid. Well, perhaps that's not right. I think he has Alzheimer's. He and his minions, the Snifits, all forget about anything that is right in front of them. Hell, Booster himself forgets Mario is his enemy, and actually gives him an item! Then, later, he suddenly remembers Mario and runs from him.

Alzheimer's in a videogame - that's a new one, if memory serves. (Amnesia doesn't count.)

Anyway, Star Hill was fairly lame, but I hated the way it looked as soon as I entered it, so I was happy to be done with it quickly. I'm done with the game for tonight, but I'll play more tomorrow.

(Click here for Part 2 of my Mario RPG Impressions)
(Click here for Part 1 of my Mario RPG Impressions)
(Click here for my first Mario RPG article)